


Last Night

by Embarassedbutkinky



Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: Bad Jokes, Dragon Ball Z - Freeform, Drinking Games, Drunken Shenanigans, F/M, Friendship, Humor, Jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-22
Updated: 2020-01-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:41:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22355020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Embarassedbutkinky/pseuds/Embarassedbutkinky
Summary: Goku woke up this morning with a hell of a hangover, but Chichi isn't mad at him. What happened last night? Based on one of my favorite old jokes, just a silly short oneshot.
Relationships: Android 18/Krillin (Dragon Ball), Bulma Briefs/Vegeta, Chi-Chi/Son Goku (Dragon Ball)
Comments: 20
Kudos: 167





	Last Night

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on one of my favorite old jokes, I just Dragon Balled it up. (Joke in final notes)

Goku was used to pain. Pain was a part of fighting, a natural part of his life that he was so accustomed to that what some people would look at as debilitating injuries were at most a mild inconvenience to him. Besides, he knew he wasn't human, and he seemed to heal faster than his non-Saiyan friends. So, it was a bit of a surprise to wake up one day in his bed with a headache so bad that he couldn't even open his eyes all the way.

He winced, covering his face in his hands to hide from the bright light outside of his bedroom window. Was it morning? It didn't feel like it. He couldn't remember going to bed. What was the last thing he did remember? Krillin. Krillin was definitely involved.

His mouth was dry, and he was still in his orange pants for some reason. The room stank of seawater and dirt, and he glanced down with regret to see his sheets had been covered in rough sand. The room turned as his stomach heaved. Was this what being sick felt like? 

He wasn't sure what you were supposed to do when you were sick. He reached out to feel for his wife; Chichi would know what to do. He hands met just empty bed; she'd definitely been up a while. Uh oh. If it was a work day and he'd slept in too long he could be in trouble.

The door to the bedroom opened and it felt like he had to fight the universe itself to turn his head. "Chi?"

His wife smiled warmly. "Good morning," she said sweetly, quietly enough that his sensitive ears didn't ring. "How did you sleep, Goku?"

"Uh…" he stammered. "Okay? What time is it?"

"Oh, about one in the afternoon," she said calmly, carrying a tall glass of water to him. "Here," she said, passing him two medicine tablets. "I bet you have a headache."

"Oh," he blinked. "Yeah. Thanks, Chichi."

She smiled and kissed him briefly. "The boys are having lunch in the kitchen if you're hungry. I made fried catfish."

"Catfish?" Goku grinned excitedly at the mention of his favorite meal. "For  _ lunch _ ? I thought you said it was only a dinner food!"

She shrugged. "Oh, don't worry about that. I made coffee too, it's in the pot."

"I'm not allowed to have coffee. Remember last time when I drank too much and ran through the new boots I'd only had for a week?"

Chichi laughed. "It's  _ fine _ , Goku. I'm going to go and lay out some clothes for you by the tub out back before I grab some vegetables for dinner. Maybe we can take a soak together later?" She winked.

"Okay…" he said slowly, eyebrows pulling together for a very confused meeting. Chichi left him to drink his water, and he slowly eased his aching body out of bed.

Goku wandered unsteadily into the kitchen, catching the attention of his sons. The boys looked up at him and snickered, shooting each other conspiratorial smiles. Majin Buu had been defeated only four months before, but the small family had gotten into a routine if having most meals together to make up for their lost time. They slid a plate towards him.

"Morning Dad," Gohan said. "Long night?"

"I dunno," Goku said, dropping into a chair and rubbing his eyes. "I don't remember going to bed. And my head feels really weird."

"You don't remember yesterday?" Goten asked, eyes wide. "Any of it?"

Goku hummed, quickly grabbing some catfish for himself and piling up his plate. "I think I went training with Krillin? Do either of you know why your mom is acting kinda weird today?"

The boys looked at each other again. Gohan cleared his throat. "So, you did go training with Krillin yesterday, Dad. We both did."

Goku blinked. "Okay."

"You, me, Krillin, and Piccolo. We headed down the mountain and out to an island where we could spar without breaking anything."

"Oh yeah!" He smiled. "I  _ do _ remember that! You were fighting Piccolo and you caught him with a sneak attack. That was a great move, Gohan, good job!"

Goten snorted.

"That's what you said yesterday," Gohan nodded. "And Krillin agreed. He said we should all go out to dinner to celebrate."

"Right," Goku nodded. "That rings a bell. The four of us decided to go to that little bar at the base of the mountain. But we made sure not to spend too much because Chichi had told us to go easy on money this week."

"Which is why we each only got one dinner… to start," Gohan admitted sheepishly. "But we were still hungry, so we bought a few more. Then Krillin suggested we have a few beers…"

Goku went a bit pale. "How much did we spend?"

"By the time I left, you'd spent about 50,000 Zeni on just food and drinks alone."

"50,000?!" Goku cried. "Oh no. Chichi's gonna kill me… wait, why hasn't Chichi killed me?"

"I'm getting there. So I couldn't drink, I'm too young, and Piccolo doesn't like alcohol, but you and Krillin started having a bit of a contest to see who could drink more. You won."

"That's not surprising, Krillin's so small," Goten laughed.

"He did better than you'd expect," Gohan said. "They went pretty much shot for shot before they started arguing."

"What would me and Krillin argue about?" Goku asked. "We're best friends."

"It wasn't  _ that _ bad," Gohan assured him. "You just started debating about which one of you won some contest a long time ago. Something about a stone you had to find to eat dinner…?"

"Hey, Krillin cheated," Goku said, half smiling. "Wow, that was a long time ago."

"You were less happy about it last night. You said Krillin owed you a dinner. You're kind of a pushy drunk."

"Huh," Goku shrugged. "I wouldn't know. Don't think I've ever been drunk before."

"So Krillin said he won because he outsmarted you, then you guys started wrestling. You broke the bar."

"What part of it?"

" _ All _ of it. Like four windows, the shelves, half a dozen tables… then you started laughing really hard and made up. The cops didn't think it was so funny."

"Someone called the cops?" Goku winced.

"Yeah. When Piccolo heard the sirens he got me out of there and told me to go home and said he'd take care of you guys, but when he went back you had taken off. So yeah, we'll probably have a repair bill coming."

"Aw, Man," Goku said, rubbing the back of his head. "What did Chichi say when we got home?"

"Hold on, we're not there yet, my turn," Goten grinned. "You guys didn't come home, you went to Trunks' house and he called me. You wanted Vegeta to come with you but he told you guys to fu…" he cast a nervous look at the front door his mother could come through at any moment. "He said no. So you picked Bulma up and said she'd work just fine, and flew her off across the ocean.  _ After _ you raided their liquor cabinet. Taking Bulma made Vegeta mad so he followed you, and Trunks followed Vegeta so we didn't miss anything good."

"By this time Piccolo had caught up to you guys, he said you weren't making much sense."

"It was like three in the morning when you made it to Master Roshi's house," Goten continued. "You woke him up and asked for more alcohol, then you dragged him outside. You'd put Bulma on top of the house and told her she was a fairer judge than Master Roshi, but she couldn't see anything because it was so dark. Then Vegeta showed up and yelled at both of you, picked up Bulma, and left. So you  _ might _ get a call from him today too."

"Trunks stuck around to watch," Gohan said. "He says you guys told Master Roshi he had to sign a rock. He wrote a… colorful word on it and threw it into the ocean. Then he went back to bed. Then you decided Piccolo was a good enough judge and dived into the ocean to look for it."

Goku dug into his pocket, drawing out a stone with a word on it that made him laugh. "Oh look, I won."

"That's the first thing you said when you came home," Gohan smiled. "At five this morning. Loudly."

Goku winced. "Was your mother up?"

"We all were," Goten nodded. "We wanted to see what happened."

"Was Chichi mad?" Goku asked.

" _ Oh _ yeah," Goten laughed. "Super mad. You stumbled in dripping with seawater and got sand everywhere. You didn't even recognize her. You called her Lady."

"Ouch," he flinched. "Then why is she being so nice to me?"

"Well, you started passing out while she yelled at you about being out all night and stinking like alcohol, so you just walked away and headed into the bedroom. You were going to just get right in bed and get the blankets all dirty,” Gohan said.

Goten grinned. "So Mom pulled your shirt off over your head and then pulled your boots off. Then she started untying your pants."

Gohan blushed slightly. "Then you screamed… well…"

"Stop Beautiful Lady, you can't take my pants off, I love my wife!" Goten laughed.

Goku blinked. "I, uh… oh."

The front door opened and Chichi came inside, carrying an armful of vegetables fresh from the garden, stopping to kiss him on the cheek.

"How are you feeling, Goku?" She asked.

"I'm okay," he said, rubbing the back of his neck. "I'm really not in trouble for what happened last night?"

"With me? No."

He let out a sigh of relief. "Good. Wait, what do you mean?"

She patted his shoulder. "Eighteen is in the garden holding Krillin by the ear. I think she'd like to talk to you."

He gulped.

**Author's Note:**

> Final note: I think this is just an old joke, and I couldn't find any source on it, but if anyone does happen to think they know where it came from please let me know and I'll tag it. I got this version from SunnySkyz.com, but I've heard it before:
> 
> A married man, Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after a night out drinking with the boys. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror.  
> Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian" He stumbles into the kitchen and sure enough, there is a hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee, and the morning newspaper all waiting for him.  
> His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son… what happened last night?"  
> "Well, you came home after three in the morning, drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you threw-up in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."  
> Confused, he asked his son, " So, why is your mother in such a good mood, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"  
> His son replies, "Oh THAT! Well, when Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and tried to take your pants off, you screamed, 'Leave me alone, I'm married! I'm married!'"


End file.
